


He’s gone

by Alapare



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, S15E18:Despair, Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alapare/pseuds/Alapare
Summary: Cas was gone. Cas was dead, and it was all Dean’s fault.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	He’s gone

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll never cry like I did watching this episode. Had to make it my first destiel fic. Castiel forever.

Dean sat on the floor, his mind still trying to catch up. He was staring at the wall that the Empty came from, and the place Cas had been standing with a smile and tears on his face.

It was his fault. He’d been the one to lead them both there. Right into a trap. He always fucked up, but this time there would be no fixing it. 

Cas was gone. Cas was dead, and it was all Dean’s fault. Dean knows Cas would argue, say he came of his own volition. He wouldn’t lie to himself though. It was him that went out to kill someone, anyone to take his anger out. If he’d been like Sammy, calm and not controlled by his goddamn emotions. If he’d been anybody else...Cas would be here.

Dean looked at his shoulder. Cas’ bloody handprint. He lifted his hand to set his over it. 

_”Goodbye, Dean.”_

Why were they always saying goodbye? Why couldn’t these goddamn monsters just leave them the hell alone? At least leave Cas out of it.

“Cas,” was all Dean could choke out. He clutched the sleeve in his palm. The words weren’t coming. His kind was a whirl of thoughts that couldn’t come out his mouth because by the time he tried to speak he was already thinking a something else. 

What Cas had said was really hitting him now.

_”I cared about the whole world because of you.”_

Dean didn’t know what to make of it. He hadn’t known that he’d meant so much to Cas. That the other man thought so much of him.

_”You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.”_

Dean wasn’t any of those things. If anything Cas was the selfless one. Saving Dean at every turn even when he didn’t deserve it...even now. He loved them all even when they treated him like shit, like he wasn’t one of the most important people in their lives.

_”You changed me, Dean.”_

Cas didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about. Dean didn’t do shit for the guy. Got him killed is what he did. Same fate as everyone that meets him. 

_”I love you.”_

Dean felt the tears building in his eyes fall. He couldn’t respond to that. It was Cas. Cas who saved them a million times out of nowhere saying this. Dean knew though. Knew that it wasn’t out of nowhere. He’d done a good job of pushing it off. The staring, the conversations, every little sign he chose to ignore. There was nothing he could do now. He’d never see Cas again. Talk to him again. What the fuck kind of sick joke was this? Why did this bullcrap happen every time he got close to someone? Why Cas?

As if Dean wasn’t overwhelmed enough, his phone went off. He looked to see it was Sammy. Fuck, he hadn’t even thought about that. So caught up in himself, he didn’t realize he wouldn’t be the only one hurting.

What was he supposed to say to Sammy? To _Jack_?

Cas is dead, and it’s my fault. I led him to his death. The Empty took him for eternity. 

Just thinking about it had Dean sick to his stomach. He couldn’t take anymore right now. He really would break.

Ignoring the ringing, Dean dropped his phone. The vibrations loud against the ground, deafening with the absolute silence surrounding him. No Billie. No Empty. No Cas. Fingers ran through his hair, tugging a bit. Dean sat on the floor, sniffling and letting out little sobs.

What were they going to do? What _could_ they do? Cas, his most important family aside from Sam, was gone forever. Dean knew there was no coming back from this one like usual. He sat there and cried. He couldn’t save Cas. The only thing he could do was try not to be consumed by the frustration, confusion, and grief.


End file.
